pepperoni couture

i have ALWAYS dreamed of one day getting my pizza gown. make it floor length (koronets). i'll tower over karly kloss in quadruple-layer platform cake wedges. 


#nothingtastesasgoodasthinfeels #thatwasdelicious

resolutions part two

new years resolutions

from buzzfeed's "28 funniest notes written by kids in 2013"

número 13:

thanks again buzzfeed

human beings: the worst

confidence

slobs 'Я' us

from catcher in the rye:

You remember I said before that Ackley was a slob in his personal habits? Well, so was Stradlater, but in a different way. Stradlater was more of a secret slob. He always looked all right, Stradlater, but for instance, you should’ve seen the razor he shaved himself with. It was always rusty as hell and full of lather and hairs and crap. He never cleaned it or anything. He always looked good when he was finished fixing himself up, but he was a secret slob anyway, if you knew him the way I did (ie, as a secret roommate). The reason he fixed himself up to look good was because he was madly in love with himself. He thought he was the handsomest guy in the Western Hemisphere. He was pretty handsome, too - I’ll admit it. But he was mostly the kind of a handsome guy that if your parents saw his picture in your Year Book, they’d right away say, “Who’s this boy?” I mean he was mostly a Year Book kind of handsome guy. I knew a lot of guys at Pencey I thought were a lot handsomer than Stradlater, but they wouldn’t look handsome if you saw their pictures in the Year Book. They’d look like they had big noses or their ears stuck out. I’ve had that experience frequently.

Stradlater: yearbook edition

Stradlater: secret slob edition

healthy eating habits

holy grail

I purchased this. Not...a single...regret.

sorry i basically missed your birthday

new sideboob = sidecheeks

i need you in my life. this week?

pandas are the new black

mother of fatties

CHEERLESS CHUBBIES  |  Our Fat Children

What causes your little fatty's insatiable hunger for food?

This I stumbled upon via procrastination some feminist blog. It is a 1961 article from Ladies' Home Journal about childhood obesity. 99% of the article is hilarious,* especially the repeated uses of "fatty" (endearing? shaming? in between?) - as if the author KNEW this word would soon be blacklisted by HRH Political Correctness and wanted to shove it into print as much as possible. While the bluntness of this article makes us laugh and makes it seem too dated to be taken seriously, it is actually this aspect which came across to me as refreshing. Nowadays, if your child is obese, and you dare recognize this as a [health] problem, then you'd better be prepared for a stampede stormpocalypse of uninspired mommy bullies bloggers. (Strikethrough is fun.)                                         Of course, the internet is positively BRIMMING with stories, studies, reports about childhood obesity.  Today's doctors and parents and bloggers are way more obsessively paranoid in 2013 compared to 50 years ago. Like, it's not even a competition. The chief distinction is that, nowadays, you'll sooner come across the real "f" word than the word "fatty" in [respectable] print...other than between quotes, sarcastically or in reference to oneself (i.e. all over this website), or on Dateline specials about cyberbullying. BUT I DIGRESS.

This is the sobering news that more and more child specialists are telling mothers of fatties these days. . . .Why were there more absences for illness among the "tubbies"?

* This bit about poor Ernie's mother represents the 1% of this article that is NOT funny.
Your husband's name is Mac, your nanny's name is Ingrid, and your son's name is Ernie. You suck, lady.

the birds

Tell me about it, stud

my idea of a diet

gpoy

never